Archive for August, 2005

I love Miranda Devine so badly that I need to vomit

Sunday, August 14th, 2005

Miranda’s risen to new heights of tabloid banality today with her column in the Sun Herald today as her vague crusade against internet porn (along with everything else) slowly gathers momentum:

Online porn addiction turns our kids into victims and predators
But as internet pornography becomes increasingly pervasive, making every home computer a potential red light district, Australian parents, in particular, are becoming alarmed.

hahahaha …


This isn’t the first time she’s waved her pink stick at the old internet porn. Some time ago in a thingy she wrote about how “ug: muslims are bad”, she noted that not only did the Bankstown rapists once live in a cave down the road from Osama bin Laden, but “were also avid consumers of internet pornography.”. How the fuck she would know this is anyone’s guess: so undoubtedly, she just made it up - and you know what she’s done in her own ‘tea and crumpets’ way? Attempted to make a subliminal connection from internet porn to terrorism.

Anyway, months of fervent fanboyism (i.e. me reading her tripe for 30 seconds two times a week as a distraction from work) have finally paid off: I’ve Devined (heh) her formula. Miranda generally starts off with a couple of loose paragraphs of poignant shitsmell, followed by reams of quotations from experts just flown in from overseas (or whoever’s handy that will regurgitate her opinion, or at least agree with her on paper) that seem to take up no less than 80% of her column, finally winding up with some lame-ass suburban wisdom she plucked out of thin air whilst driving her Land Rover to pick the nooblets up from school.

One slightly scary thing about this weeks piece though: albeit by proxy (because she is too yellow to say it herself), she’s basically endorsed the use of ISP level porn-filtering, to, you know, “protect children from damaging accidental exposure.” Tsk tsk Miranda, don’t be getting out of our depth now. We won’t stand for some northshore housewife, of all people, censoring our internets.

But don’t get too sweaty and worked up over loving or loathing her, for you’d be falling into her trap. Hell, even little old me has done exactly that by writing this crap. But my excuse is that I didn’t have anything better to do, or that I had to put something up on this page, or I had to take a rest from EUO, or something. Of course I’m not the only one writing about her.

Technorati has 20 Posts in the last 28 days in all languages about “Miranda Devine”. Even the Bulletin has something to cheeky say about her (and good reading too).

If only she still wrote for the Terrorgraph, life would be perfect.

More Stupid Polly Quotes

Wednesday, August 10th, 2005

“Bill is a good bloke and Barnaby’s a good bloke. They’re both good blokes and they’re both my blokes as far as I’m concerned.” - John Howard. He seriously has NFI.

A couple of interesting quotes from Bob Carr

Thursday, August 4th, 2005

as the door slammed him on his way out …

“Life’s a … rough cut. Nothing’s ever perfect. If it is comfortable enough, that’s probably as good as it’s ever going to be.”

and if you’re not a polititian, you’re a freeloader who’s “only good for eating food and filling toilets”.

link via SMH

Oz is fucking the best show on TV right now **

Tuesday, August 2nd, 2005

I almost can’t stand Bear Busters now: Jamie ‘the moustache bear’ is still cool but Adam ‘whiny bitch bear’ Savage is beyond irritating. Not even Scottie ‘token blonde female with tattoos who can use tools like a man’ welding shit can make up for that fat, orange headed twat acting like an annoying child or having a cry about something.

KellerIron Chef is still pure entertainment but sadly, it’s getting a bit old. So my new favourite TV show right now is HBO’s Oz. It’s been on SBS for a while now, and I only got onto it by accident, but I’ve been watching it religiously now for about 3 months. It might be set in a prison, but don’t be put off by all those dicks … this show has more ‘Ganks per minute’ (gpm) than anything else on TV. As soon as some character gets interesting, or worse, you start to get attached to them, WHAM - shank in the neck, or ZOINK - head into the TV. There must have been a half-dozen murders last nite, the worst/best being my latest fav character, the Reverend Cloutier. An Evangelical preacher played by Luke Perry, I was taken totally by surprise when he was suddenly getting bricked into a wall by the Brotherhood (and that nasty little redhead who is SO going to cop it) to die alone, crying and praying to Jebus. There’s still a chance that next week, someone will find him … but somehow I doubt it.

Feature ganks last nite:

  • Augustus secures Supreme Allah’s demise by obtaining his med records, finding out that he’s allergic to eggs, then organising to have eggs mixed into his brekko, causing him to have a massive allergic reaction and dying all puffy faced, vomiting blood
  • The Colonel tries to gank Morales but fails: instead gets him self squashed under the elevator they were working on together
  • Kareem comes out of nowhere to gank old Vern Shillinger - but I don’t think he’s actually going to die. Another muslim ganked Vern’s lackey at the same time
  • Omar rammed some random latino’s head into the communal TV in a fit of rage
  • Reverend Jeremiah Cloutier got himself bricked into a wall
  • O’Reilly left the gas on in the kitchen and later, one of the wardens lights a fag only to blow himself up
  • At least one other that I’ve forgotten the details for

Other Oz Trivia

  • The warden is played by the 4th Ghostbuster, Ernie Hudson
  • one of the main cops in Law and Order:SVU (a show I don’t watch btw) plays Chris Keller, this nasty serial killer who was by miles the best character till he got sent interstate after, ironically, taking a rap for a murder he didn’t commit
  • Vern, the leader of the Aryan Brotherhood, was also J. Jameson in Spiderman 2
  • Another Law and Order cop, the lead female in Criminal Intent, Detective Eames, played Shirley who was hung on death row for killing her daughter or something