Archive for the 'General' Category

Yesterday I destroyed half of my entire garden gnome collection with a lawnmower

Tuesday, October 11th, 2005

My hypomanic winning streak of happy days is over.

If I could think of something to write, I’d be too scared to write it

Monday, September 19th, 2005

Maybe innocuously, I voted for the hippies in the Marrickville by-election last weekend, but now I fear that the combination of that, being a part time blogger, and being a foul-mouthed tryannical game maker will incite the new gestapo to kick down my door any minute now and cart me away for incarceration and interrogation. Perhaps it is only my terrible ego that leads me to believe that I could actually be a threat, but really … who knows?

Well the fear isn’t that bad, but you have to wonder about what the hell is going on in this country when seemingly harmless hippies are being deported for no apparent reason at all. It’s not so much the fact that Scott Parkin got cuffed’n’stuffed, packed up and shipped out, and not least of all billed for 11 grand, but the fact that nobody will tell us why. It is insulting at best; it is another step in the systematic dismemberment of our freedom of speech marking the nuclear dawn of a new age of despotism at worst. How can we be allowing this to happen, and why hasn’t the goddess Miranda said anything about it?

This neo-conservatism has got to go, but what real alternative is there? The aforementioned hippies that smell, spineless shadow of a dead trade union movement, and a bunch of clueless christian fundamentalists with their sordid and reverberating nationalism have absolutely no idea at all. The whole world is fucked and we are all going to hell.

It actually crossed my mind a couple of times this week to get myself into politics, but I don’t think my nerdy brand of gonzo-romanticism would wear with the voters. Besides, if EUO is anything to go by, there would be more incarcerations and deportations than ever before, if I took control of this shithole. Yeh, I’d be a regular Il Duce. But it couldn’t be much worse than what we have now. I mean, just look at the awful caliber of people running the country as we speak …

I’m eating a banana in the elevator

Monday, September 5th, 2005

How can I explain these strange bouts of euphoria and light headedness which for two days in a row last week struck me for no apparent reason at all?

Maybe it’s the rockmelon and yogurt fruit drinks I’ve been making, or because if you do a google image search for slut, comes up first with a picture of a very skanky Catherine Zeta Jones. Or maybe it’s due to the fact that EUO is nearly done, or even my talkative cat, or the fact that in WoW, by playing a Night Elf druid, you get to be a bear at level 10 - something that for me that will always remain somewhat elusive in “Real Life”.

Salad days indeed. Not even the user comments on slashdot or Liz Hurley’s weird upper lip appeared to be having a negative effect. But as I write this, a few days later by the gregorian calendear, things seem to be restored to normal. Bored at work, overworked at home. In my lunacy I concluded that the Night Elves probably listen to My Bloody Valentine too. The difference between them and me however is that they have a good excuse to own an iPod, with all the running around that they invariably have to do. I’m generally not running anywhere.

Post patch EUO requires serious vitamins, and only my secret (carrots, celery and rockmelon) and very special blend of exotic fruits, veg, and gluten-free “friendly bacteria”-infused dairy can get me through this shit. But I’m kicking myself: I forgot to buy a cheese and bacon roll from the IGA, so a non-redknobbed banana chaser will have to do. Even David Koresh had his moments of weakness.

I love Miranda Devine so badly that I need to vomit

Sunday, August 14th, 2005

Miranda’s risen to new heights of tabloid banality today with her column in the Sun Herald today as her vague crusade against internet porn (along with everything else) slowly gathers momentum:

Online porn addiction turns our kids into victims and predators
But as internet pornography becomes increasingly pervasive, making every home computer a potential red light district, Australian parents, in particular, are becoming alarmed.

hahahaha …


This isn’t the first time she’s waved her pink stick at the old internet porn. Some time ago in a thingy she wrote about how “ug: muslims are bad”, she noted that not only did the Bankstown rapists once live in a cave down the road from Osama bin Laden, but “were also avid consumers of internet pornography.”. How the fuck she would know this is anyone’s guess: so undoubtedly, she just made it up - and you know what she’s done in her own ‘tea and crumpets’ way? Attempted to make a subliminal connection from internet porn to terrorism.

Anyway, months of fervent fanboyism (i.e. me reading her tripe for 30 seconds two times a week as a distraction from work) have finally paid off: I’ve Devined (heh) her formula. Miranda generally starts off with a couple of loose paragraphs of poignant shitsmell, followed by reams of quotations from experts just flown in from overseas (or whoever’s handy that will regurgitate her opinion, or at least agree with her on paper) that seem to take up no less than 80% of her column, finally winding up with some lame-ass suburban wisdom she plucked out of thin air whilst driving her Land Rover to pick the nooblets up from school.

One slightly scary thing about this weeks piece though: albeit by proxy (because she is too yellow to say it herself), she’s basically endorsed the use of ISP level porn-filtering, to, you know, “protect children from damaging accidental exposure.” Tsk tsk Miranda, don’t be getting out of our depth now. We won’t stand for some northshore housewife, of all people, censoring our internets.

But don’t get too sweaty and worked up over loving or loathing her, for you’d be falling into her trap. Hell, even little old me has done exactly that by writing this crap. But my excuse is that I didn’t have anything better to do, or that I had to put something up on this page, or I had to take a rest from EUO, or something. Of course I’m not the only one writing about her.

Technorati has 20 Posts in the last 28 days in all languages about “Miranda Devine”. Even the Bulletin has something to cheeky say about her (and good reading too).

If only she still wrote for the Terrorgraph, life would be perfect.

More Stupid Polly Quotes

Wednesday, August 10th, 2005

“Bill is a good bloke and Barnaby’s a good bloke. They’re both good blokes and they’re both my blokes as far as I’m concerned.” - John Howard. He seriously has NFI.

A couple of interesting quotes from Bob Carr

Thursday, August 4th, 2005

as the door slammed him on his way out …

“Life’s a … rough cut. Nothing’s ever perfect. If it is comfortable enough, that’s probably as good as it’s ever going to be.”

and if you’re not a polititian, you’re a freeloader who’s “only good for eating food and filling toilets”.

link via SMH

30 things to do before you’re 30

Thursday, March 17th, 2005

Inspired by this article entitled 40 things to do before you’re 40 (which I thought was pretty lame), I’ve decided to compile my own list of things to pass the time. Of course, since I’ve already turned 30, this list is suddenly redundant (at least for me).

  1. launch yourself into outer space
  2. smoke opium
  3. have group sex
  4. go skinny dipping with sharks and electric eels
  5. go do a life drawing class
  6. waste 4 years at university just to quit the job you studied for and change careers
  7. partake in some Sports Eating
  8. acid+spa
  9. mow the back lawn with your puppies out
  10. waste 6 or so years on some ridiculous computer game, giving you a case of life threatening RSI in the process
  11. call in a hoax bomb threat to (extort perhaps) your local Toys R Us
  12. join the navy
  13. eat chicken everyday, grow breasts
  14. yell at the noobs in the lift
  15. see a psychiatrist
  16. join a football team
  17. get plastic surgery
  18. blow something up
  19. stage your own Iron Chef kitchen battle with your friends
  20. get a proper job (maybe in the games industry) and in all probability hate it
  21. hell, get a job at the Immigration Dept and steal children for a living
  22. grow a large moustache
  23. martinis for breakfast, Stagg for tea
  24. dream up another half-dozen silly ideas for your own list of of dumb shit that you will think about but never actually do